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Slapped in the face by mortality: 2 February 23, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — babyboymartin @ 9:43 pm

So after finding out about plan C, and it being a very emotional day, plus being admitted to the hospital on the same day, I really did not even get a chance to process what was said.  I immediately began praying that the medicine would work and that I would not have any arrhythmia while in the hospital.  Once I was able to have some time to analyze what the doctor had to say, and consider my future, many tears have followed.  Tears from being emotionally drained and receiving unexpected news…fast forward to the return trip to Snyder.

I got home, and I was just really in a cloud of very non-emotional conversation and responses, and through this experience I have a new response to “how are you doing?” My response now after E.R. visits, doctor appointments, and being admitted into the hospital is “at THIS moment, I am doing well.”  I really began seeing life moment by moment, which is a paradigm shift from my big picture mentality.  I would come home and just hold Brinson until he could not last the embrace any longer and break away.  In addition, I really did not believe that I could tell Brinson or Ashley how much I loved them in those following days.  Luckily, to help me get my mind off of Houston, I had volunteered to help with a disciple now at our local church the following weekend.  I was busy transporting high school guys back and forth from church and trying to help out with the weekend, which helped me to not dwell on the past week.  Then, Sunday came and my emotional dam broke, and I could not hold it closed any longer.

It was so refreshing to be back in church that Sunday and to worship corporately with all the individuals that had prayed and served us while going through this time in our life.  The biggest issue that I have had with plan C is “what happens to Brinson and Ashley if all goes wrong and I die.  I am at peace with going on to be Jesus, but as the husband I feel the duty to take care of the blessing of a family.  So my main question this whole time is “what happens to Brinson and Ashley?”  The whole church service, I could not quit crying and snot was going everywhere.  I went down to the alter and had a good one on one talk with God and came away with peace.  Over these past three weeks, I have learned two things with “what happens with Ashley and Brinson:” 1) God can and will do things greater and more glorious than I could ever do as the husband of my household for Ashley and Brinson.  2) (the second one is more powerful to me) If I have to pass and go into glory for my family to be in the center of the will of Christ, I am at peace with that.  Many things being learned over the past three or four weeks.  Enough heavy…

I am feeling very well and have exercised multiple times this week. I feel really well and I have even taken my son on a walk and pushed him up a nice size hill during our walk.  I was able to walk nine holes today and never once was winded.  The medicine has been working and I feel pretty normal.  I have good nights and bad nights of sleep, but I am getting use to that.  My next post will be before our pacemaker check this week.  My blood thinner medicine is not regulating like it should but that is not a cause for concern.  Ashley and I appreciate the prayers.



Slapped in the Face by Mortality February 14, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — babyboymartin @ 5:09 pm

We praise the LORD, for He is good!  I am doing well on the medicines the doctor put me on, and Ashley and I are thankful every day for that.  However, there is a burden we secretly carry and feel it is now time to share it.

I (Ben) decided I didn’t want to share this information publicly, for a few reasons, but we have privately shared this information with our family and a few close friends.  We told everyone that in the doctors appointment the doctor discussed the medicine option (Plan A).  We also discussed Plan B, which is where they will run leads from my pace maker to the bottom part of my heart to help assist my heart to maintain correct rhythm.  This may still have to be done in the future, should the medicines ever stop working properly.  There is a Plan C… This is the other part of the doctors appointment that was discussed, and frankly rocked our world.  We call Plan it C because we don’t like the reality of the real name… The reality is so hard to comprehend.

As the doctor was telling us our current and future options, he got to Plan C, and it literally took my and probably Ashley’s breaths away… a heart transplant.  As we have mentioned before, the heart is measured by the squeezing and relaxing of the heart muscles, and the doctor said ” people’s hearts get tired with all four parts and yours is going to to get tired quicker with only two and half parts.” Another quote that still rings in my head from the doctor is “We need to start having this dialogue about a transplant.”  This was the moment mortality slapped me in the face.

My first statement to Ashley was this information stays between us and the people I wanted to tell because I did not want to be a charity or sympathy case for anyone.  In addition, I did not want to answer all the questions.  I understand that I am not the only one going through difficult or trying situation, but after mentally working through Plan C for several weeks now, I feel like I can share with other people because I know how powerful prayer from God’s children is, and frankly, we need those prayers.

Plan C is not an immediate situation. It is our only option when everything else fails.  The problem is, we do not know when and where that failure will take place.  The doctor said this could be 5 , 10, 20 years away… who knows. Like I said, we call it Plan C because we don’t like the feeling of doom the word transplant seems to carry, and it helps us ease into the reality of the situation. Once again, the good news is that the medicine is working very well, and my activity level is steadily gaining, compared to where I was in January.

My only difficulty at the moment is sleeping. When they reset my pacemaker, they set it so my heart rate can’t go below 75 beats per minute, which makes sleeping difficult.  If I wake up in the middle of the night, to either go to the bathroom or check on my son, I find it pretty difficult to get restful sleep after waking up.

The Martin family appreciates all the prayers, thoughts, and comments through our current sanctification process. Although it is difficult, we know that we suffer trials for a purpose, and we are working through that to honor God.  Again, God is good, and we know that even more in these types of situations.